Michael Douglas asked:
Handsome hunk, actor Martin, who pumped iron at a gym and was a regular pub-hopper, suddenly found himself with no desire for sex. Enquiry revealed that he used anabolic steroids, abused his body by drinking, smoking and eating out every day. His body buckled under these bingeing sessions, lowering his libido and affecting his sexual performance. Several others are today afflicted by similar lifestyle disorders, affecting their sex life and relationships. Sexual energy moves through the psyche (mind) and the body. If it’s channelised elsewhere, it will not flow in sex, thus reducing the sexual drive in a person. Low libido is the result of the diversion of psychic energies. Diversion if energies could have reasons ranging from physical, emotional and mental to social and even spiritual. So, it is important to diagnose the reason and take corrective measures to improve libido.
DON’T ABUSE YOUR BODY
It may not be evident, but wearing tight undergarments compresses the testicles which produce the hormone testosterone, lowering its production. Low levels of the hormone lead to low libido. Use of anabolic steroids too adversely affects the libido, as also other forms of abuse. In smokers, nicotine damages the arterial lining, making it attract cholesterol, thus narrOwing the arteries. Therefore, the blood flowing to the sex organs is less, and affects the erection in men. Many believe that alcohol aids arousal. The reality is that alcohol might initially relax you enough to create some sexual arousal, but excessive consumption actually results in lowering the sexual drive.
Alcohol affects the liver function adversely, and the hormone testosterone is activated in the liver. Moreover, if you suffer from borderline diabetes, alcohol makes it worse. An unhealthy diet comprising oily, high-caloric, sugar-laden foods could result in high cholesterol which narrows arteries, restricts blood flow and affects sexual performance. If one is suffering from hypertension (high blood pressure) due to wrong food habits and obesity resulting from the same and uses anti-hypertensive medication, one might suffer from the side-effect of a lowered libido. Keeping late nights and parrying till the wee hours of the morning result in erratic sleep patterns and accumulated fatigue, which adversely affect libido.
FOR IMPROVED LIBIDO, YOU NEED:
· Adequate sleep.
· Healthy diet.
. Abstinence from excessive smoking and drinking.
· A fitness regime.
. To avoid steroids and anti-depressants.
DIRECT YOUR ENERGIES WISELY
Due to stressful lifestyles, psychic energies are also diverted into emotions like anxiety and depression. If one’s energies are locked up in worrying about performance evaluations on the job, competing with colleagues for promotions, and being on the lookout for better opportunities, not much psychic energy is available to flow into sex. High conflict levels between the husband and wife too result in stressful emotions, leading to lowered libido. Use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications to combat stress is another cause.
Both investment banker Andrew and mutual fund manager David were distressed by their low libido. While the adrenalin rush that came from the handling of monies was so great that, to Andrew, sex paled in comparison, David was so stressed with market fluctuations, which swayed his clients’ fortunes, that he was left mentally and emotionally fatigued. Today double-income couples find no leisure to unwind and connect as a couple. Any time together is spent on household chores, planning home/car loan payments, discussing economics, or work-related issues. Therefore, the psychic energies of both are locked in preoccupations other than connecting sensually, thus lowering libido in both.
TO ADD THE SIZZLE BACK:
· Consciously plan a weekend getaway.
· Make a pact to not discuss work during the holiday.
· Make time for each other, at least a few minutes every day in the morning and evening.
· Cut down on unnecessary chores to get more free time together.
STOP BEING A SUPERWOMAN
Malvika was excessively preoccupied with her duties towards her in-laws and extended family and coping with a hectic social life, throwing parties and attending them too. She was also anxious about her role as a mother and her children’s performance at school. Parents who have moved away from naturally loving and instinctive parenting become emotional wrecks who are torn between showcasing their kids and being unconditionally loving parents. With psychic energies being diverted towards stressful parenting, low libido is a definite fall-out.
FOR STRESS-FREE PARENTING AND BETTER SEX:
· Focus on living sane, balanced and loving inner and outer lives.
· Don’t get bogged down by parenting pressures.
· Don’t pile too much on your plate.
· Do your best, forget the rest.
· Give up trying to please everybody.
· Be kind to yourself.
OTHER CAUSES OF LOW LIBIDO
VOWS OF CELIBACY
People who surrender to the philosophies of some spiritual cults that encourage you to take the vow of celibacy, could gradually start experiencing low libido as they sublimate their urges in prayer, rituals and service-oriented activities. The bottom line is that wherever you channelise your psychic energies, they will gradually flow in that direction.
PSEUDO LOW LIBIDO
There is also the entity of a pseudo low libido, which is only reported by the partner of one who ‘claims’ to have a low libido. Banker Susan reported a virtually non-existent sexual life between her and her husband. Her husband Roger reported that he did not have any sexual urge ‘with his wife’ and therefore did not initiate sex. His words ‘with his wife’ gave him away. Roger only ’seemed’ to have a low libido, which was not the reality. He was obviously resorting to other outlets for his sexual urges. He later admitted to self-pleasuring with fantasies of other women, which he claimed gratified him more than the ’sexual exercise’ with his wife.
SELF-PLEASURING AND PORNOGRAPHY
The internet is getting many people hooked to a lifestyle of sex chatting and self-pleasuring by viewing porn sites. Also, there is a remarkable increase in affairs at the workplace, people travelling on the job and using ‘escort services’ in foreign lands. A hectic work schedule with one foot at the airport and one at home is also getting people engaged more in self-pleasuring in fantasy with or without the aid of porn, as a routine, as it is ‘more convenient’. These are not actual cases of low libido but only perceived as such by their partners, as they engage their libido elsewhere.
All in all, your lifestyle is responsible for your low libido. Only a wholesome change in your lifestyle can help you restore balance in every aspect of your life. So, identify the cause, take corrective measures and rediscover your sexual pleasures.
